Building Strong Kids: Teaching Children the Art of Making Up

How to help your children navigate the outcome of their choices. 

Choices come with consequences, either positive or negative. A negative consequence, particularly one that results in friction in a relationship, requires repair. In this blog, we will discuss ways to encourage children to repair relationships on their own. 

Why Relationship Repair Matters More Than “Sorry”

Many children are taught to say “sorry.” But a quick apology, especially when forced, doesn’t automatically heal hurt feelings or rebuild trust.

Relationship repair teaches children:

• Accountability

• Empathy

• Courage

• Responsibility for impact

Step 1: Pause

When emotions are high, reflection is hard. 

You might say:

• “Let’s take a minute to breathe.”

• “We can solve this together when we are calm.” “Let’s take a break.”

Repair requires thinking, and thinking requires regulation.

Step 2: Help Children Understand the Impact

Young children often focus on their intent (“I didn’t mean to!”), not the impact.

Gently guide them to consider perspective: 

• “When you grabbed the toy, how do you think your brother felt?”

• “When you decided not to complete your homework, what do you think your teacher thought?”

This builds empathy — the foundation of meaningful repair.

Step 3: Ask, “How Can We Make This Better?”

Instead of scripting a forced apology, invite problem-solving.

• “What could you do to help your sister feel better?”

• “How can you talk to your teacher about your missing assignments?”

Their ideas might include:

• A genuine apology

• Returning or replacing something

• Offering help

• Drawing a picture

• Writing a note

• Giving space

When children generate the repair plan, they take ownership.

In our next blog, we will talk about how to develop and model a four-step repair process.